ONE OF THE GREATEST COMEDIANS HAS DIED THIS MORNING DUE TO COMPLICATIONS FROM PNEUMONIA.

HERE’S THE LINK TO THE ARTICLE IN YAHOO http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080809/ap_on_en_mo/obit_bernie_mac

Alright, a few weeks ago I wrote about 43things.com and even listed my top 5. I would have to say that the top of that list is definitely procrastination. Procrastination is definitely a huge issue for me. I find so many ways to just waste time and avoid getting things done. And eventually a list of 3 things quickly adds up to a list of 25 things that I need to either do, start (as there are some projects), or finish (stuff i started but have not yet completed). I think that it’s mostly fear.

There are some items on my 43 things list that are quite risky and may cause eyebrows to raise and heads to turn. So, that may be one of the reasons why I am a bit leery of getting the ball rolling. But then I think, who the hell cares what people think, I am going to do what ever makes me happy and whatever makes me feel good. I don’t want people to think they can break me. 

Other items on my list are causing fear in a sense of “I might fail’. But I have started to realize that I’d rather try it out and fail than to live and regret for not trying and start thinking about the “what-ifs”. What if I succeeded? And they are things that I am super excited about and have been thinking about doing for the past three years (if that isn’t procrastination then I don’t know what is). The more I think about it, the more I can’t believe I have been wanting to do some of this stuff for the past three years and have not done it yet—fear. I don’t know what wrong with me. It’s soooo weird. It’s something I want so bad. But the fear has grab hold of me and won’t let go.  I am trying to remove myself from it’s grasp but once I get an arm or leg free, it takes hold of me again.

So, I have decided to make a pact to myself….starting this Sunday, I need to get the ball rolling. With baby steps and see how it works. Of course I will keep updates on MYQUEENDOM.

Procrastination is a bitch man. But I am reading this book called The Procrastinators Handbook by Rita Emmett.  I started reading it about a week ago. This book has been very helpful on the road to my recovery…lol. But of course I haven’t picked up the book since I finished reading chapter 2 (one week ago, lol). But I made a promise to read at least one chapter a day until I finish it.  But from what I have read so far it’s pretty much hitting every nail on my head. Making me open my eyes a bit wider.

Procrastination is not doing me any good. In fact the more I think about it, the more I realize I am only hurting myself and limiting myself. So now that I have figured out that the root of my procrastination stems from fear, it is now time to do something about it. I am making a vow to myself (that I will post tomorrow). It is going to list all of the projects I want to start and finish as well as little tasks/errands I need to do. I may even include a list of my 101 things (this is different from 43things).

The 101 things is an assignment from The Procrastinators Handbook. For me this list is comprised of both short term tasks (oil change, clean car, etc) and long term goals (go back to school). On the other hand, www.43things.com consists of just my long-term goals that I want to accomplish.  And procrastination is on both lists.

And the more I write about this, the more I think that once I can accomplish this one goal, just about everything else should fall into place. Everything I want to do is linked to procrastination and fear.

I just want to be happy with who I am at this point in time. I want to know that I have lived life with no regrets. But I have regrets, too many to count; but they all stem from–PROCRASTINATION. So, here and now I embark on the road towards my recovery from procrastination, towards being comfortable in my own skin, and towards being happy….

Ok,

So I just got home from work. And it’s time to unwind and get ready for yet another day of work tomorrow. Anyway, I came across a cool website: www.43things.com. It’s basically a website where you can compile a list of goals (43 to be exact) that you would like to complete. And each time I complete a goal, it is removed from the list.  In addition, it shows you how many other people in the 43things network want to complete that same goal. You can leave entries/blogs associated with each goal you list, cheer others on and vice versa. It’s very motivating and inspiring to see that others AROUND THE WORLD are interested in many of the same things you are and have set the same goals you have set for yourself. At times people can feel like they are the only ones experiencing certain things when in actuality they are not….So visit 43things.com, trust me you will be inspired!

I have chosen to use this as a tool to get things off of my mind and into the air (well the world).  But in place of that I will add a new one (I am constantly thinking of new things I want to accomplish everyday).  Everything I have on my list (27 things and growing) are issues and topics that weigh heavily on my mind. So, I will also be addressing them in my blog!!! This is going to be so therapeutic. I love it.

With that said, here are my top 5:

1 Stop Procrastinating

2. Get out of debt

3. Save money

4. Get healthy

5. Make my family proud

What are your top five???

As mentioned in the previous post, my name is Jess. I’m basically using this blog as some sort of outlet. Some place to release frustrations, anxieties, fears, hopes, dreams, ideas—just a place to vent all my thoughts on. It may be 1 word, 100 words, or 1000 words. There are so many things floating around in my head. I think the best thing for me is to put them some where and sort it out.

Anyway, a little more about me:

I was born in Boston. I lived in the city until I was in the third grade (well me my twin sister and my parents). And, somewhere during those first few years of my life, my father caught a windfall. So, we moved to a town less then 30 minutes south of Boston. The house was absolutely gorgeous dual staircases, 4 bedrooms, a family room, formal living room and formal dining room and eventually a finished basement. It’s kind of funny though, it seemed as though life in that house was short-lived–we moved out by the time I hit the 6th or 7th grade…..Now, I am starting to realize that I am just rambling on….so let me just stick to the shorter version. I basically grew up in the suburbs living that “good suburb life”, went to college, and that’s about it.

I am working now. But I am definitely not doing anything I really want to be doing.  When I look back on everything now, it all just seems like a complete blur. It’s kind of like I have a selective memory about my childhood and teenage years. People will ask if I remember certain times when we did this or went there–but I just don’t remember. 

I swear high school was just a blur….I don’t remember anything about it. It may be due to the fact that I didn’t participate in any school events, functions, or extracurricular activities. I went to school and went home. I wasn’t a slacker or anything, I averaged a high B when graduation crept up on me.  I just showed no interest.  It may be due to the fact that I am shy. The more I look back on it, the more I think it may also be due to the fact that I have a slight stutter. So, the fear of that coming out when I spoke made me sink even deeper into my shell.

College-Gosh, where do I start?? Ha ha. I must say that the first year was a pretty good year. But then again, Freshman year of college is usually one of the best years of your life. You’re out on your own (most of us anyway) and exploring the world. That first year was when I experienced my first alcoholic beverage, the first time I experience with drugs (marijuana–I realized it made me paranoid and never did it again), experience my first kiss (YES I was 19 years old), and my first love. All of it very exciting. But of course there were some lows. A small stretch of depression hit as I was trying to find out who I was and where I belonged.  My freshman year of college was the same year that attack on the United States occurred (9/11). I literally saw smoke from the Pentagon from my top floor dorm room window—that was pretty scary. Lastly, I experience a minor eating disorder/disordered eating issue. All these topics (and more) I am sure will be touched upon in some way throughout my blogs at some point

But as far as the rest of my college years…all a blur. I didn’t participate in any extracurricular activities. I just went to class, did my work, and hung out with friends. Now that I look back on it, I regret not being involved in high school and college. But you know what, there is no point in dwelling on what you did and didn’t do. 

That just makes me want to do more now. I have decided to make a bucket list. Things that I want to do before I hit a certain age. I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to find out who Jess is. What she’s made of, what she can do if she put her mind do it–despite all her fears. 

There are so many things that I have wanted to do and still want to do. But always let fear get to me. And I am starting to realize that’s no way to live.  My slight speech impediment has definitely increased my fears and prevented me from doing or saying something I really wanted or believed in. I want to dive deep into myself and just say everything that has been on my mind and just lay them out there. In sense, I want to strip everything down and get to the center of who Jess for me and the whole world to see. More than likely there days where my blog will deal anger, fear, and straight raw emotions. But, it’s something that has to be done.

Although don’t think you will ever find out everything about yourself (as you are learning new things everyday about yourself), I want this blog as an instrument on the path to find out who I am. And if I meet new people on the way, that would be great too.

Welcome to MY QUEEN-DOM,

First off, I would like to thank everyone for visiting my blog. I am new to the blogging world but am very excited. As my title says, this is MY QUEEN-DOM which means that everything that encompasses my world and brings me happiness and pleasure will be somewhere in my blog (eventually). And I must say, to be able to share my world with other people and possibly find others who share my interests is fabulous.  I would also like to meet people who, althought may not share my interests, can possibly teach me about one of theirs and vice versa. I love learning new things so this is definitely going to be super cool.

Lastly, I would like to be able to express my thoughts, concerns, ideas, opinions, emotions, etc without any judgement. Yes I know people will have their own views and opinions about various topics–which I love because then we can have a little discussion/debate going on.  And I definitely want people to correct me when I am wrong (or when they believe I am wrong). But to judge my character/personality based on something I believe in is unwanted and not needed. If, you don’t want to be judged then please don’t judge others.

With that said: WELCOME TO MY QUEEN-DOM–there will be more to come so please stay tuned!

But, there is one thing I would like people to do for me. There is a widget on the right side of my page: The Palatial Map Kit. I am trying to compile a list of places I would like to visit within North America.  So, please just click on one of the icons at the top right hand-side of the map. This will link you to a page where you can leave a marker on points of interest within North America. Please list any points of interest that you find absolutely fabulous and would recommend as a hot spot to your friends. Thanks a bunch!!