HERE’S THE LINK TO THE ARTICLE IN YAHOO http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080809/ap_on_en_mo/obit_bernie_mac

 As mentioned in my last Skin Deep blog, I have been dealing with this since I was little. I had my first minor breakout when I was about 7 or 8 years old. It seemed to have been in “remission” while I was in high school. My skin was clear of blemishes, acne, and scars. But, as soon as i started my freshman year of college I was getting breakouts left and right. And it wasn’t just on my face it was on my neck, back, arms, and shoulders. I just couldn’t understand why. I tried so many different products including those that were prescribed. The pills I took (prescribed of course) made me sick to my stomach and some of the topical creams bleach all of my clothes. I have also tried many over the counter products. Some of them made my acne worse. Some of them did help my skin, but it seemed as though my skin got used to the product and started breaking out again. There were times when I was getting lazy and didn’t feel like washing my face and apply the topical cream. I started only doing it when I woke up in the morning and that’s it. But I now realize that you do have to keep a constant routine of cleansing the face and adding any topical creams to your face/body.

Okay, so I finally got to my wits end. I was surfing around the net one day and came across this website: www.acne.org. It’s a website that tells you step by step of how to rid your skin of acne and keep it that way (using over the counter products). The creator of the website said he was looking at himself in the mirror one day and was holding a bottle of Benzoyl Peroxide (2.5%). This man was so fed up with his acne that he decided to use a bunch of the cream on his face (he figured he had nothing to lose). The next morning he said his face was beginning to clear up. So, I did the same thing. And the next day, the bumps on my forehead were going away. I was sooo excited.  I have been doing this for the past couple of days and my skin is clearing up. The next step (after the acne is gone) is to clear up some of the unsightly scars I have on my face. But in the meantime make up does help cover those.

Below is a list of products that I am using. Hopefully I can eliminate some of them later on down the road:

1. Proactiv (The three step kit, and I just purchased the body lotion for the acne on my back and arms—we shall see if this works).

2.Noxema Triple Clean (with Triclosan–an antibacterial that I heard is good to clean the bacteria off your face with and will help keep the skin clear)

3. Neutragena Pore Refining Cleanser (with alpha and beta hydroxy–this is good for removing dead skin cells)

4. Ambi Complexion cleansing bar ( I use this on my arms and chest–it has been working on my arms but not so much on my chest).  I AM NO LONGER USING THIS PRODUCT. I AM STILL BREAKING OUT. I WOULD DEFINITLY NOT RECOMMEND THIS PRODUCT TO ANYONE.

5. Palmers Coca Butter with Vitamin E and SPF 15. This is really good on scars. I used to use it all the time and it cleared my scars up. But I stopped using it and once my acne came back the scars did too.

6. Bio Oil: This is a really new product. It works really well on improving the tone of your skin. When I was using it constantly my skin looked really nice. But of course I stopped (got lazy). This is also good for scars, stretch marks, uneven skin tone, and aging and dehydrated skin. It’s kind of pricey though — 10.99 for 2 fluid ounces. BUT, it lasts a long time (a little goes a long way and one bottle lasts me 2-3 months). Also it doesn’t leave the skin greasy–which is very good for people with oily skin. I usually use this only on my arms and my chest and back. I am scared to put it on my face because that is what people see most. I can easily cover up the rest of my body if it breaks out.

7. Ambi Fade Cream-for oily skin. I just purchase this product. So we will see how it works. I am testing it on my arm where I had a large break out that then left me with many scars.

8. I take Biotin pills. They are good for the skin, hair and I believe nails as well. I just started taking it. I used to take one a day multivitamins. But those were making me break out. There are some pills that contain iodine. This has been known to cause breakouts. So, if you take multivitamins please check the label. According to the Proactiv, any amount of iodine over 150mcg can cause a breakouts. I have also heard that some a lot of dairy products have iodine in them. Which is why I was breaking out a lot. Once I stopped eating it, my breakouts stopped. And I know we all need calcium, especially women. So, find a calcium supplement with no dairy products, iodine, or soy (which has been found to cause breakouts in some women).

9. Lastly, to cover up the unsightly blemishes and scars, I use the new Prescriptives All Mineral Makeup.It’s good for your skin–especially those who have very sensitive/oily skin (MEEEE). And it’s very easy to put on.  I vowed I would never wear makeup.  My sister always wears it. It’s just such a process. And she had the kind that was liquid form. Which was a double no for me. But I went to the mall and found out that Prescriptives had just came out with a new make up–Mineral Makeup. The make up artist had the hardest time trying to get me to try it. I told her that the last time I put on make up (MAC) I broke out in a matter of 20 minutes). But she promised me that I wouldn’t breakout. And let me say this–right after she put it on I saw a huge difference. It looked smoother and had a slight glow about it. Not only that good for your skin and is very easy to put on!!! I love this stuff. It literally takes me less than one minute to put it on. I advise that you go to a Prescriptives location and have them help pick out the correct shade for you.

I believe that is it. And of course there is a daily routine that I go through with all these products. I definitely do not put all this stuff on at one time….ha ha ha. And like I said, I really want to shorten this product list ASAP. I just have to figure out which ones work best. I will post my daily routine shortly. And as soon as I am brave enough, I will post pictures of my progress!!

There are some items on my 43 things list that are quite risky and may cause eyebrows to raise and heads to turn. So, that may be one of the reasons why I am a bit leery of getting the ball rolling. But then I think, who the hell cares what people think, I am going to do what ever makes me happy and whatever makes me feel good. I don’t want people to think they can break me. 

Other items on my list are causing fear in a sense of “I might fail’. But I have started to realize that I’d rather try it out and fail than to live and regret for not trying and start thinking about the “what-ifs”. What if I succeeded? And they are things that I am super excited about and have been thinking about doing for the past three years (if that isn’t procrastination then I don’t know what is). The more I think about it, the more I can’t believe I have been wanting to do some of this stuff for the past three years and have not done it yet—fear. I don’t know what wrong with me. It’s soooo weird. It’s something I want so bad. But the fear has grab hold of me and won’t let go.  I am trying to remove myself from it’s grasp but once I get an arm or leg free, it takes hold of me again.

So, I have decided to make a pact to myself….starting this Sunday, I need to get the ball rolling. With baby steps and see how it works. Of course I will keep updates on MYQUEENDOM.

Procrastination is a bitch man. But I am reading this book called The Procrastinators Handbook by Rita Emmett.  I started reading it about a week ago. This book has been very helpful on the road to my recovery…lol. But of course I haven’t picked up the book since I finished reading chapter 2 (one week ago, lol). But I made a promise to read at least one chapter a day until I finish it.  But from what I have read so far it’s pretty much hitting every nail on my head. Making me open my eyes a bit wider.

Procrastination is not doing me any good. In fact the more I think about it, the more I realize I am only hurting myself and limiting myself. So now that I have figured out that the root of my procrastination stems from fear, it is now time to do something about it. I am making a vow to myself (that I will post tomorrow). It is going to list all of the projects I want to start and finish as well as little tasks/errands I need to do. I may even include a list of my 101 things (this is different from 43things).

The 101 things is an assignment from The Procrastinators Handbook. For me this list is comprised of both short term tasks (oil change, clean car, etc) and long term goals (go back to school). On the other hand, www.43things.com consists of just my long-term goals that I want to accomplish.  And procrastination is on both lists.

And the more I write about this, the more I think that once I can accomplish this one goal, just about everything else should fall into place. Everything I want to do is linked to procrastination and fear.

I just want to be happy with who I am at this point in time. I want to know that I have lived life with no regrets. But I have regrets, too many to count; but they all stem from–PROCRASTINATION. So, here and now I embark on the road towards my recovery from procrastination, towards being comfortable in my own skin, and towards being happy….

 I know I am very anxious to find out more about what people do/eat/drink. I have been dealing with acne and blemishes for a long time.  I distinctly remember someone telling my mother to make me drink water to help clear up my skin ( I believe I was around 8 or 9). It wasn’t a huge break out, just small bumps on my forehead. However, I don’t recall having any issues while I was in high school. I was looking back on pictures of myself during my high school years. I did not have one blemish on my skin.

But some how it just kind of came at me in full force once I got to college. A face and body that was once clear was now being invaded with ugly bumps and scars. I am African American, so the scars were extremely noticeable. I started freaking out, once they started they just seem to come 2 and 3 at a time–EVERYWHERE ON MY BODY. I had them on my arms, my back, my face and my chest. And I just couldn’t understand it. I still to this day do not understand it. I am still fighting with it. It’s like once they clear up and the scars are fading away (if not already gone), I get a whole new break out.

I have finally declared a war between myself and my skin. I MAY HAVE LOST THE BATTLES, BUT I DAMN SURE WILL WIN THE WAR. I have decided to go on a vigorous skin routine plan. I mean I have tried damn near everything, from prescribed topical creams and medication to over the counter vitamins, washes, toners, and creams. I even started drinking lots of water which definitely helps. But something just kept on triggering me to break out. And I am ready to get to the bottom of it. I am 25 years old and have been dealing with this since I was 18.  

I have very sensitive and oily skin. I will break out on the drop of a dime. And I thought that I was able to pinpoint my triggers. I know if i deviate from the soap, lotion, or laundry detergent I am using I will have a very bad break out. So, I have been using the same products since this war between myself and my skin started (except for the laundry detergent).  I am always very hesitant to try new products because I know I am very susceptible to breaking out. So, I will usually do a test spot on a very sensitive part of my body–like my upper arm or chest. And if there is no break out by the following day then that product is good for me to use.

Right now I am using Proactiv. I have been using it for over a year now. And I did notice my skin getting better. But it seems as though my skin is getting used to the product.  Or maybe it’s something else???  Maybe I should look at what is in my diet…..if anyone could please offer some advice I would gladly take it. I think I might even take some pictures of my journey and post them (maybe)…. But first I need to find out what is triggering my break outs…..then that’s when the war and truly begin.

So I just got home from work. And it’s time to unwind and get ready for yet another day of work tomorrow. Anyway, I came across a cool website: www.43things.com. It’s basically a website where you can compile a list of goals (43 to be exact) that you would like to complete. And each time I complete a goal, it is removed from the list.  In addition, it shows you how many other people in the 43things network want to complete that same goal. You can leave entries/blogs associated with each goal you list, cheer others on and vice versa. It’s very motivating and inspiring to see that others AROUND THE WORLD are interested in many of the same things you are and have set the same goals you have set for yourself. At times people can feel like they are the only ones experiencing certain things when in actuality they are not….So visit 43things.com, trust me you will be inspired!

I have chosen to use this as a tool to get things off of my mind and into the air (well the world).  But in place of that I will add a new one (I am constantly thinking of new things I want to accomplish everyday).  Everything I have on my list (27 things and growing) are issues and topics that weigh heavily on my mind. So, I will also be addressing them in my blog!!! This is going to be so therapeutic. I love it.

With that said, here are my top 5:

1 Stop Procrastinating

2. Get out of debt

3. Save money

4. Get healthy

5. Make my family proud

What are your top five???

Anyway, a little more about me:

I was born in Boston. I lived in the city until I was in the third grade (well me my twin sister and my parents). And, somewhere during those first few years of my life, my father caught a windfall. So, we moved to a town less then 30 minutes south of Boston. The house was absolutely gorgeous dual staircases, 4 bedrooms, a family room, formal living room and formal dining room and eventually a finished basement. It’s kind of funny though, it seemed as though life in that house was short-lived–we moved out by the time I hit the 6th or 7th grade…..Now, I am starting to realize that I am just rambling on….so let me just stick to the shorter version. I basically grew up in the suburbs living that “good suburb life”, went to college, and that’s about it.

I am working now. But I am definitely not doing anything I really want to be doing.  When I look back on everything now, it all just seems like a complete blur. It’s kind of like I have a selective memory about my childhood and teenage years. People will ask if I remember certain times when we did this or went there–but I just don’t remember. 

I swear high school was just a blur….I don’t remember anything about it. It may be due to the fact that I didn’t participate in any school events, functions, or extracurricular activities. I went to school and went home. I wasn’t a slacker or anything, I averaged a high B when graduation crept up on me.  I just showed no interest.  It may be due to the fact that I am shy. The more I look back on it, the more I think it may also be due to the fact that I have a slight stutter. So, the fear of that coming out when I spoke made me sink even deeper into my shell.

College-Gosh, where do I start?? Ha ha. I must say that the first year was a pretty good year. But then again, Freshman year of college is usually one of the best years of your life. You’re out on your own (most of us anyway) and exploring the world. That first year was when I experienced my first alcoholic beverage, the first time I experience with drugs (marijuana–I realized it made me paranoid and never did it again), experience my first kiss (YES I was 19 years old), and my first love. All of it very exciting. But of course there were some lows. A small stretch of depression hit as I was trying to find out who I was and where I belonged.  My freshman year of college was the same year that attack on the United States occurred (9/11). I literally saw smoke from the Pentagon from my top floor dorm room window—that was pretty scary. Lastly, I experience a minor eating disorder/disordered eating issue. All these topics (and more) I am sure will be touched upon in some way throughout my blogs at some point

But as far as the rest of my college years…all a blur. I didn’t participate in any extracurricular activities. I just went to class, did my work, and hung out with friends. Now that I look back on it, I regret not being involved in high school and college. But you know what, there is no point in dwelling on what you did and didn’t do. 

That just makes me want to do more now. I have decided to make a bucket list. Things that I want to do before I hit a certain age. I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to find out who Jess is. What she’s made of, what she can do if she put her mind do it–despite all her fears. 

There are so many things that I have wanted to do and still want to do. But always let fear get to me. And I am starting to realize that’s no way to live.  My slight speech impediment has definitely increased my fears and prevented me from doing or saying something I really wanted or believed in. I want to dive deep into myself and just say everything that has been on my mind and just lay them out there. In sense, I want to strip everything down and get to the center of who Jess for me and the whole world to see. More than likely there days where my blog will deal anger, fear, and straight raw emotions. But, it’s something that has to be done.

Although don’t think you will ever find out everything about yourself (as you are learning new things everyday about yourself), I want this blog as an instrument on the path to find out who I am. And if I meet new people on the way, that would be great too.

First off, I would like to thank everyone for visiting my blog. I am new to the blogging world but am very excited. As my title says, this is MY QUEEN-DOM which means that everything that encompasses my world and brings me happiness and pleasure will be somewhere in my blog (eventually). And I must say, to be able to share my world with other people and possibly find others who share my interests is fabulous.  I would also like to meet people who, althought may not share my interests, can possibly teach me about one of theirs and vice versa. I love learning new things so this is definitely going to be super cool.

Lastly, I would like to be able to express my thoughts, concerns, ideas, opinions, emotions, etc without any judgement. Yes I know people will have their own views and opinions about various topics–which I love because then we can have a little discussion/debate going on.  And I definitely want people to correct me when I am wrong (or when they believe I am wrong). But to judge my character/personality based on something I believe in is unwanted and not needed. If, you don’t want to be judged then please don’t judge others.

With that said: WELCOME TO MY QUEEN-DOM–there will be more to come so please stay tuned!

But, there is one thing I would like people to do for me. There is a widget on the right side of my page: The Palatial Map Kit. I am trying to compile a list of places I would like to visit within North America.  So, please just click on one of the icons at the top right hand-side of the map. This will link you to a page where you can leave a marker on points of interest within North America. Please list any points of interest that you find absolutely fabulous and would recommend as a hot spot to your friends. Thanks a bunch!!